COMPETITION! Win a Place at The Salter Wedding Head Table!

Pigeon Loft Newsdesk can now exclusively reveal that the confirmed venue for the Salter Wedding Reception is the lavish and reassuringly expensive surroundings of The Brentwood Hotel on Moorgate.

Initial consideration was given to such places as Le Barge (now believed to have sunk) and Skegness Pier (believed to have been Salter's first choice but ruled out by the bride.)

What really swung the deal with The Brentwood Hotel, was the inclusion of FREE ACCESS to Pirate Pete's Indoor Playden, situated just around the corner from the main dining area, and A POOL TABLE which Salter himself will be playing for the majority of the night, challenging lucky guests to play for £50 a game.

Newsdesk are now proud to offer this exclusive once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to join the Bride and Groom at The Head Table on the special day. All you have to do is tell us, in no more than 60,000 words, why you think you deserve such a prestigious seat, along with a nude picture of your own wife/girlfriend/someone you know. Rules and conditions apply, see below.
Entries must be received no later than March 31st, so get scribbling to Dannytriangle@aol.com as quickly as you can, Pigeon Lofters!



RULES AND CONDITIONS: Applications must not smell, or have unusual facial quirks. They must not be French, Irish or work for the Council.The winning applicant must have at least THREE entertaining anecdotes to share at the Head Table, ideally involving Cybermen if possible. Violence will only be tolerated at The Head Table if it is completely justified and involves the hospitalising of a student.Nude photographs sent in by applicants must not be of males, animals or mingers. Runners-up are entitled to fuck all.