Salter Wedding Pool Trophy - First Pictures!

Here it is, lucky viewers. Even more uplifting than that recent photograph of Wayne 'Overpaid Thug' Rooney actually kicking a ball into a net, here is the first picture of The Salter Wedding Pool Trophy, modelled by the future Mrs Salter. (I did ask her to pop her left tit out, but she hadn't drunk enough Scrumpy. Bad timing, never mind).

As you can see, the Trophy is quite a plush affair, encrusted with diamonds, with a cool, elegant glass thing at the top, and a sophisticated pool table image, handdrawn by spastics, as the centrepiece. The trophy is engraved at the base, at vast personal expense, with the legendary wording SALTER WEDDING POOL CHAMPION 2006.

The format of the tournament is now beginning to take shape. Entrants will be charged about 50p. (you put your entrance fee in the glass thing at the top - how cool is that? Then we put the trophy, overflowing with money, on display near the pool table, and pick money out of the trophy when it;s time to pay for a new game. God, this is brilliant.)
Entrants will then be put into a hat (well, not literally, I mean their names written on pieces of paper) and we will have an exciting draw to see who plays who. Losers names then get thrown away, and the winners are put back into the hat to see who plays who in the next round.
This process will continue until either;

• We have a proud 2006 Salter Wedding Pool Champion
• We run out of money
• The games gradually descend into a shambolic mess, and Salter washes his hands of the entire affair and takes the trophy home with him
• We are all swiftly ejected from The Brentwood Hotel and barred for life, after too many people try to shove their cocks into the fruit machine.

Less than a week to go, folks! Don't forget to have your 50p's ready.