Leaked Wedding List Reveals Star-Studded Line Up

A provisional wedding guest list for Danny and Jaime's Wedding of the Year has been leaked onto the internet by one of their IRISH SLAVES who managed to escape from the radiator he had been chained to, and had enough time to post the details on the world wide web before being re-captured and force-fed manky Irish potatos as a punishment.

The list is believed to have been compiled by Danny late one night after drinking a whole bottle of Shandy Bass, and reveals several shocks and surprises including unexpected invites for:

• TOM BAKER (Maybe get him to do a speech or something.)
• NIK KERSHAW (Get him to play a few songs at the bash, he'd like that.)
• KONNIE HUQ (Possible Bridesmaid material, check with Jaime first.)
• SYLVESTER McCOY (Only if Tom Baker can't make it.)
• PHIL OAKEY (Make sure he doesn't bring those useless birds with him though, we'll pretend there's not enough room or something.)
• JAMIE OLIVER (Send him the invite and then don't let him in when he arrives. Twat.)
• DAVID DICKINSON (Could we get him to conduct the actual ceremony? Check with Registry Office tomorrow.)

The list also reveals a couple of names that have been crossed out with notes beside them including HOWARD JONES (Might end up fighting with Kershaw) and SEAN BEAN (Too common, will bring the tone down.)

There has already been some initial reaction to the leaked list. Tom Baker's agent was quoted as saying "Tom is genuinely delighted to have been offered an invitation but will have to decline as he is booked in to voice an advert for piles cream on that day."

Nik Kershaw is also believed to have declined the offer as he is far too busy and rich and successful. Meanwhile, Howard Jones is believed to have said "I would have gone."